Exhausted

I am exhausted from so many things.

People keep calling and asking the same stupid questions at work... the more you call people the less time I have to get your shit and everyone else's shit done. For real. WTF?

I'm starting to miss people again. I feel like my life only revolves around make believe friends online.... it's sad. It makes me mad at myself but what do u do? So tomorrow I'm going to go see a movie with someone. It should be fun but I feel like my mother. Completely alienating people just cuz I'm getting to close. Who knows. My dad pointed this out to me today, that she was starting to do that again.

:: sigh ::

Joey's here. I got home and it's nice to have something so excited that you exist. I've been talking to people on that fubar website. Online bar... kinda dumb but it seems to suck the time away. I think it's a place for a bunch of horny people to hang out. I've met some decent people but I get hit on and it makes me question motives. I dont wanna do that.

I wrote off two jerks the other day. I had a rough Tuesday. It was Aunt Betty's funeral day. I didn't get to go. I know she's not upset but I am. People knew I was down about it and yes even these two idiots I was talking to. My own fault for talking to them. They are idiots... I must be sensoring myself still from being at work.

I called in a complaint on one of the techies today. I just couldn't believe he'd come say it was fixed and then it not be fixed.... literally livid at him and told him that he needed to fix it cuz I thought it was already taken care of. That's the nicest version. Anyway Cindy and I were annoyed and I said you know... I'm gonna take care of this and called the company. I hardly ever complain about people but seriously we lost an entire day because of his shit or lack of it and that puts me behind for tomorrow. Which makes my Monday shitty.......

I need a fucking vacation. I'm tired of being here. I'm tired of having no one around. The men I seem to pick are complete losers or jerks or both. I can't seriously consider a guy I meet online because i have no way of knowing if they are legit or not. I don't want to go to the bar. I refuse to go to church. I have no motivation to do anything with anyone yet I keep expecting things to fall in my lap.

I dunno what I'm supposed to do.

I seem to piss people off when I'm not even sure how it's possible from what I say or how I say it. I'm tired of online conversations that really seem to mean nothing.

It's one thing to talk to Jesse, Blake or Sara online and catch up on shit we already know about. It's another fabricating some sort of friendship from nothing.... i guess fabricating things from nothing is my job. And that last relationship.... not all my fault that fabricated from nothing... wasn't even my fucking idea... yet I went along with it and ended up getting hurt, again.

Then I go and meet nice guys in real life.... just friends is what I'm told. I make such an ass out of myself. I dont know... i just want to scream and punch a bunch of my exs in the gut over and over again. I wish men and women would stop using eachother. I know it's a hypocritical thing to say... just...

I miss people. I really want a hug and to snuggle with someone right now.

What a bunch of crap life can be.... it will go on. no worries there!