Dates with girls

Nothing goes my way!

Jamie was on a rebound I found out tonight.
Adam fell off the face of the earth for the evening.
Marcus didn't call me back.
I still haven't heard from Ryan.

Whatever........................................................................ I really want to go on a fricken date to go see the movie Zodiac on friday but it's not looking hopeful that that is going to happen. Dates with girls are not on my mind! GRRR.

Bouncing Ball Follow Along

for now everything I am thinking is in sing-song so sometimes you should read what I write in sing-song. Nooooo no no not like the bouncing ball that you follow to learn the words. Just make up your own tune and read my words aloud. We'll try it sometime in class.

Vanity has gotten to my today. I'm vain. The end, it got to me and I'm done with it.
I sort of don't know what to write about because the book I'm reading is in a lull... beginning of the happenings of the Cold War... and I had to stop reading because I was getting drowsy enough to not remember the previous line. Bad I know... Of course I can always type.

Remind to self: SELF work on Resume tomorrow! Make new box tomorrow and get out of the house at least once before we all go out at night.

Why does no one read these? It makes me sad

Cleverness

I am so clever!

"If the weather is as bad there, as it is here, they should put everyone's life on hold,... no, pause, because hold is too much like lay-away." ~While Talking to Frank (YES I have a friend who is not imaginary, named Frank!) ...(I don't think he's imaginary)

Sunday Snow

Today I'm going insane. I can't sit inside anymore. I have things to do and didn't get my car un-stuck until like 40 mins ago. I also didn't try all day cuz I didn't think they had plowed. I don't think they did until like 5 or 6 anyway.

And if something is "New & Improved" ... how is that possible? If it's new, it wouldn't be improved unless it was newly improved... right? Or am I missing something on this one?

Today would have been a perfect day for a date to have a guy take me to go make a snowman and come back and warm up. That would be so sweet. Why can't I find guys who think like that? Oh wait... cuz they scare me off! AHH! Okay... I'm getting cranky. Burn-age keeps on happening to me.

Time to go soak and sulk and hope for interesting conversation before I fall asleep. Goodnight all. Hope you're all safely at your homes and warm... and with electricity!

Looks like Tuesday night will be the night. Maybe I WILL have a date for that night.. jk, I don't have the guts to be mean like that or to want it bad enough. I like dorkface too much for my own good.

Fisken & Bodos

Wow ... Publication Design girls... my head will not stop swelling. I feel like I had been head-banging and doing weird push-ups all night. Of course we all know I just kept doing out GD Salute and laughing my ass off. Way to have a great time. Thanks Thomas for giving us all the chance to bond with booze and um... creepers at the bars. Yeah!

This is for Withers: Fisken & Bodos

February 20th 2007

Today was LONG...

It was like a mini-BFA dead day review... wtf?
I was punchy too because of it. I also was really embarrassed. We weren't prepared for the professors and I felt really bad. We all did get really good feedback but we are still having design issues. I just want that stuff to be done so we all can focus on our own stuff.

I could really use a good massage and kind complimentary girly words. ::sigh::

Time to go take notes on javascript... yay! Another critique in the morning and 2 websites to crank out before 1. Sooo fucking excited I don't even know what to do with myself.

Pretend vs Vaca and Quote of my life

You know what I just realized?! This:

We go on vacations to pretend we're someone else for a while. Not really to rest or to get a new perspective on things. You might get a new perspective on your bank account and credit cards and what your husband or wife looks like in their swim wear but vacations are just the grownup trying to be the kid again with no restrictions except maybe for those laws we don't want to break or the deadline we have to return to in 4 days.

Let's all go pretend and not call it vacation. We know how we all talk bout those bitches who don't work and pretend they are made of money when they go out.... they are on vacation... DUH!


Yawn... dunno why I'm blogging this early in the morning. Here's my favorite quote.

"You are here to enable the world to live for freely with a greater vision and a finer spirit. You are here to enrich the world."~Woodrow Wilson

Don't Read this is mean.

Whats the point of a meeting and putting your input when no one is listening when you speak? Fuck people who can't focus on important things. Fuck people who find mundane fun and social nothingness important. Let's fill out surveys and make our websites glittery. Let's join clubs that don't really matter. Let's tell people God isn't going to care about them. Let's all sit around a fire and believe whatever we don't see but only what we hear and never research it when we go home. Let's all be bigots and braggarts. Fuck people. I'm not even depressed. What has my generation proved to the world? NOTHING. We're already past our prime in intelligence. We're the internet porn generation with dumbasses elected into our government and stupid shits running our corporations.

This will be dually posted on my other blog. I could rant for hours and it would help if friends would call back or I could depend on someone... even family is not there today. I having bigger issues on my mind than what you did today. YEAH NASCAR... yeah CSI yeah I had a meeting... people are dying. I give up. I'm not even an activist.

I wouldn't have needed to write hateful shit if even 1/6th of my relationships had gone the way I wanted today. Maybe CONTACT with some of those relationships would have helped! GRRRRrrrrrr....

Why can't we ever take our own advice?

Good English Syllables... What?!

Way to go Drake Men's Basketball! You guys did an awesome job! Yeah I went to the game... what of it?

Now I'm bathing in my sorrow and country music... once again i'm ready for summertime and good times. Rednecks... your season starts tomorrow with the Daytona 500... I'm ready.. are you?


Favorite Quote of the night: Me (of course) "I hope you got hurt, you should NOT reproduce! You are ugly!" obviously to the other team... Goddamn #24 was an ugly dude... so was ... that white guy that looked like the unibomber... SWEETNESS!

Kristin and I did pretend to be Katharine Hephern tonight... and... Nazi supporters...well not really we just posed like stupid people... only means we're stupid... at least we don't believe in that white supremecy shit... uh slavery's over... get over the fact you made people suffer and enjoyed it while making money... learn to make money like a real white person... wellfare! :) j/k... wow alcohol makes me want to hurt stupid people bad!

Drunk...with pizza and sweats.. who can complain? maybe... uh thats right... NO ONE!

Friday Blues

When I need something I can't get a hold of anyone. I don't get it. All day long I've tried to get a hold of people, now I'm grumpy that I didn't get my stuff done because other people couldn't get back in touch with me to answer my questions.

Also, why do I always have to ask people to do shit? I mean I did get invited to go drink... with some random dude, but who wants to do that on a cold night when it's not really a date? Yeah no one. If the guy is too cheap to ask me out, he's only worth a crappy friend until he proves otherwise. I don't hang out with crappy friends. I expect more out of people.

Who I have had a hard time getting a hold of: Adam, Drew, Ryan, MinAe, and I haven't heard from Kristin but I did email her or attempted to like 8 times today. My .mac account is being a bitch.

The baby next door is crying a lot today... maybe because she's got a lack of sugar because her parents gave her clear kool-aid on accident the other day?! Stupid... And the guys on the other side are being sorta noisy. I already want to go to bed. My eyes hurt, I am cranky and I don't want to cook. I got a lot of shit done today but not everything I needed to. Grrr. Eventhough this was a four-day weekend because I count on other people sometimes, I've fucked myself over and am behind. Whatever, I'll get it all done. I just wish some things would turn around so my entire weekend doesn't seem as dull as 2007 so far in general.

OH and it's fucking snowing again.... it was a surprise, I forgot.

Blah

Ohh wow, talked to Jesse today... felt like an idiot. I have no common sense this week. Spencer and Jesse fooled me and Kristin. We're such dorks. I have too many electronics too. I have 3 different types of printers, a phone, a camera, a dvd, radio, tv, vcr, george forman grill, mp3 player... etc ... this is not an open invite for someone to come steal shit from me. I need almost all this stuff. I probably could live without part of it. One of the printers doesn't work and I can't format music playlists on my mp3 player anymore and my tv is old. Pretty much leave my shit alone!

Anger consumed much of my afternoon. 1. people in Iowa are lame 2. i count on the wrong people 3. i didn't get all my stuff done because i had to stop to eat (so I wouldn't pass out) and it's fucking -12 degrees outside... who wants to be out there? no one!

I was half way forced to spend money I don't techinically have today. No I didn't write hot checks, but I did charge more shit. I needed the stuff to get my paintings ready... and I did finally buy it. I also got some stuff to help me organize my teeney tiny apartment. I bought maybe 3 suprifulous things... how do u spell that word? someone let me know!

I wouldn't mind some flirting to get my mind off of homework but I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon. It's when I'm looking for it that I have the hardest time finding it.

Monday

I was just working on my design logo for the design for the web class. I'm thinking VintageCon.com just to be a fake company and it would stand for Vintage Conceptions, Inc. I haven't decided what I want them to be a company for but I like the name. Anyway, I was in Illustrator and had been working for maybe an hour... of course the stupid fucker quits unexpectidly and I hadn't saved the newest version which pisses me off. So I lost the cool base for the letter 't' in Vintage and the work I had done on an original thing. Grrr....


Today was a pretty good day in general. I think I need to go into the print studio and get some shit done sometime this week because I wasted another class period doing nothing. I am in a rut on concepts for the pin-up girl series and disappointed in my last embossment. Professor Chen keeps asking about sizes as well... I need to figure out those box sizes ASAP. I wish I wasn't such a lazy-ass.


I was really blunt today with people, I don't know what that was about. It was like I wasn't thinking about what I was saying until after I said it. Usually I'm a little more tactful.

I cranked out a design for the map project and I really like it. I sort of think I'm going to TRY to wake up a little earlier tomorrow and print it a little bigger and add some more writing... Dunno tho. I like it smaller than average but bigger than small. :) Whatever that means.

My mommy and daddy sent me roses today... Orange ones. I was surprised because I had brought my own roses from our store yesterday... just four... figured I could deal with four... now I have another dozen... but also a bigger vase :).

Once again I wish I had a bigger place so I could have a desk and be more comfortable.

The Shins

Today has been the perfect day for The Shins. I feel like nothing makes sense in my mind in accordance with my project ideas and The Shins' lyrics make no sense... or at least I can't figure out some of them.

Kissing the Lipless is supposed to be about leopards or something?! lol what?

Stupid and hurt

I don't know how many more hints I could have given today to one of the people I wish would never talk to me again. She can't figure it out. I had my computer with me. I turned my music on so I wouldn't have to hear her talk, she got louder. She started humming and singing along, I turned it down so she'd feel awkward. When she asked questions I ignored them. When I asked other people questions she answered and I asked someone else again. I just want to tell her to fuck off. She doesn't listen to anyone... EVER! AHHHH!

I have to go home tomorrow. I'm not really looking forward to it. I was home last weekend. I had a dream last night that my mother and I got into another fight. That's what I look forward to, fights. They suck. I'll probably get into one with my dad too but who knows. I'm so pissed off at myself for things that happened earlier this month that I hardly want to function with normal people. I just want to get my problem fixed and then try to move on or see what happens but it's not working of course. It's making my heart hurt.

Oh Fuck Guys!

I am so sick of this shit.
I like you. I like you too. You're too needy. You're a jerk. You're so sweet. You do too much. You sleep a lot. You need to back off. I still like you. I need more space but I like you. I'm leaving you be so we can be friends. I'm not talking to you now. I'm mad at you. I'm sorry but I wasn't wrong. Me either. We're stubborn.

What the fuck? If I do A, you want me to do B, if I do B then it's time for C but u don't tell me so I do A again.... AHHH.

I decide I'm better than this shit. I do all this shit for everyone and because of my attitude about life and how 'cocky' I am people don't think I care. I CARE you sick sons of bitches. I can give and give and give but when someone gives they can only give so much and not receive jack shit in return.

In the last 6 months how many times has Jen gotten herself into a situation where she's been burned?
Let's see (and take into consideration not all relationships were at the same level) I'm the commone denomonator but guys still suck. And not all these guys are jerks at heart. Things just didn't work out for a couple and I really didn't get burned from them but I burnt my bridges on them so they count.
Jamie (got majorly burned)
Steve (vanished)
Mike (got burned)
Mike #2 (burnt my bridge)
Bryce (2nd time burnt my bridge)
Marcus (vanished)
Scott (vanished but got burned)
Adam (burned)
What the hell? The ones that take advantage of how nice I am make me mad. The ones that take advantage of other things don't respect me. The ones that do respect me make me lose interest. AHHH! Now since I'm not trying to get over someone per say but opening up options, I'm turning out to be the bad guy when we weren't/aren't even dating or officially anything.

I want:
To go on a date. (dates if applicable)
Snuggle watching tv.
go out with friends with and without the guy.
get drunk with and without.
get phone calls.
get silly sweet emails.
get texts (if they have that ability)
take naps.
get and give back massages.
watch girly movies and scary movies.
be able to count on him.
to be able to be one of the guys.
meet his friends.
have goodnight phone calls sometimes.
have sleepovers.
be ridiculous together.
to be shown off.

I need: (because I'm female)
compliments.
reassurance on different things.
arguments that end up well.
apologies that aren't crap.
to be able to talk about stupid shit and at least have the guy pretend to listen.
have the guy hang on my every word every once in a while.
to feel wanted and needed.
Chocolate and to cry sometimes for no reason.

I hate being the bad guy especially when I'm not in a relationship.
I need and want some flirting. I gotta know the guy is interested. I'm so tired now. I want to just storm out of here and start yelling too. No one would listen. I wouldnt even be able to talk to him. AHHH! Okay! Well I think I got what I needed out and any explanation I wanted to give.

Tuesday-ness

Today was fucking fantabulous! It was awesome! I was in a really good mood... ALL DAY! I laughed my ass off... I wonder how many calories that is.. lol. My face hurt and I have major headaches all day from laughing. Kristin and I got to go to lunch and I got some stuff done in between being an ass lol... what a great Tuesday! Time for bed and looking forward to another day of critiques... ahhh... i hate when things are due at the same time.... critique weeks suck, I can't focus!

Love to all, even the people I don't like that much, that's how good of a mood I've been in.

New Posed Question

Because I do not want to really look this up at this time, and I do not believe that I know the answer, what the hell is ear wax about?

I understand snot and I'm guessing ear wax is another way to keep the small aliens from being able to climb inside our brains but really... does it need to be so obnoxious? Tonight I have a real disgusted feeling towards ear wax! WTF?

Scared Shitless

OMG, I've been crying for a couple hours and hyperventilating. I scared myself enough that I can't go to sleep until I've worn myself out from crying and being an emotional mess. All day long with my parents, I watched "Ghost Hunters." Well, some of it got to me and I had to turn a light on and I can't bring myself to lie down and go to bed. I don't live in a haunted anything and have never had a problem in my apartment or any other place for that matter... except once, but I was so scared then I couldn't sleep. It was crazy. Anyway, I know I'm going to be fine because my neighbors would be able to hear my scream no problem :) but just freaking me out; a lot of freaking me out! I'm starting to get sleepy but who knows how long that will last if I'm freaking out when I wake up. I really wanted someone to stay with me here tonight but it hasn't seemed to work out in my favor. Nothing has lately. Everything is a fucking mess!

This is so stupid that I am scared of paranormal. I read about death and destruction and devastation everyday, yet spirits scare me not things like flesh melting and radiation altering everything for decades. WTF is my problem? Maybe I'm scared it's all going to catch up to me now. I know I thought about it on my drive home. Maybe I need to read the Bible and get religious on myself but I dont think it's going to be what the doctor ordered. I am such a mess! AHHH!! :(

Dilemma Solved to an Extent

Wow so I figured out my music dilemma from the other day! Modest Mouse-Dashboard, Snow Patrol- You're all that I've got and my new favorite is definitely Modest Mouse's new one. I'm sad the CD doesn't come out until mid to late March. That's It I'm dull tonight. Codes aren't working, the SuperBowl wasn't exciting for me though what I actually got to see of it was decent. I just don't know enough about football to care.

New Music

Drove to visit my folks today for some relaxation with the dog and just to get out of my apartment. On the way I listened to my fave radio station 96.5 The Buzz. They played a lot of music I hadn't heard and now I'm on the scavenger hunt trying to remember all the stuff I want. No they don't have a playlist. All their site does is tell you what is on right now and what was previously on not what was on earlier in the day. AHHH! This is what I can remember though that I liked that I hadn't heard:

The Cure- Killing an Arab
The Shins- Phantom Limb
The Raconteurs- Level
Snow Patrol
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Modest Mouse
Death Cab for Cutie

These bands/groups had new songs or stuff I hadn't heard plus there was one that was a redo of an old Jazz song that I can't remember but it was awesome. Grrr! So if anyone knows new songs or new releases from Snow Patrol, RHCP, Modest Mouse, or DCC let me know. Btw the new Beck is really good and I'm pretty much in love with Jack White and the Raconteurs!

Obviously today was fricken 1000 times better than yesterday. Yay for less drugs ;).

Not normal.

Thursday has been an interesting day. Not like, "Wow, I can't believed that stuff happened,"-interesting, but more like odd. One of those days that makes me really very angry at the world, but my world, not the world in general. After about 11 I was completely numb. I forgot to take my anxiety/depression meds this morning but took them when I got to class at 9. I took the prescribed dose, not the dose that my mind is used to. It totally hit me at once and hasn't really gone away. I'm completely over-medicated and can't snap out of it!
Last night I went to bed really early. The book I'm reading is sad and I got tired of reading about code. Again, I wish it was a little warmer and I could be outside. Anyway, I woke up at 4am, got online just to vent a little about something that bothered me yesterday, luckily Adam was online and helped with that. Then I went back to bed and had nightmares. Ones that make you sweat and your heart race. My chest still hurts and someone in my dream really hurt my feelings and I hurt theirs and I think the dream is what partly put me in this funk. In GD4, we did an exercise with collaging and working on eachothers stuff, almost all of the things I added was somehow morbid or related to what I am interested. I suppose the fact that it interests me is important and that things I like are very much related, but at 9am it can be kind of menacing and I hate that stupid people make retarded comments about the stuff I am intrigued by.
Anyway, the rest of the day was based on me feeling like bawling my eyes out without really being able to. I spoke to both my folks, today was my mom's birthday. I talked to Adam and I know for a fact I'm not upset with any of them. Adam wanted me to feel better and stop being sad and I didn't tell my folks, they have enough to worry about right now.
I had an independent study meeting and then went shopping for something to do and get my mind more activated than nuclear war and random shit that sucks. I also drove to Gray's Lake and watched the Moon Rise. The Sunset wasn't very pretty or unique so I watched the full moon instead.
The day is winding down and I'm feeling better. I ate some real food and had some cheesecake. Not necessarily in that order :). It made me feel a ton better and shopping and the lake has made me sleepy so sleep shouldn't be painful tonight like last night.

I do wish the Valentine's shit would stop. Though I half-way or more than half-way have someone. I could use a date and getting purdied up ;). I wanna feel like a woman instead of a friend but I'll take a friend . Well hopefully this is the only time I talk about relationships on a class assignment blog because I never intended to. I just am anti-Valentine's Day and probably always will be.