update

Wow, it's been a while since I cared about using my 'blogspot' to blog. Myspace is so much more convenient when you're obsessive over it like I am. I'm not creepy about it, don't worry. I just enjoy searching random shit and seeing who's out there doing the same.

So what's new everyone? Life here is chaotic and mellow at the same time. I find myself not knowing what to do with my free time. Alas, all day is free time to me now. I quit my job on the 1st and have been searching since. 3 interviews in 2 weeks is pretty good and I still dont know where I stand on any of them. Cross your fingers, pray for me if you are one to pray, it does not matter to me who or what you pray to. Happy thoughts for people never hurt.

This is it for now. Love to all and to all a good day.

Pasta or Tacos

I was a bitch today :). It was awesome. It came out automatically. Chuck started breathing down my neck 3 mins after I got into work and I absolutely HATE that. Why do they gotta jump on my case right away, let me wake up a little more. Anyway I got really rude later in the morning early afternoon cuz my blood sugar levels dropped. When they stress me out my body goes into hyper anxiety mode and uses more energy, but I need more energy to replace that and then they don't let me leave for lunch til 2:30? I dont think so. So I ate at my desk at 1:30 and didn't clock out, I was angry. I think I'm still low on the blood sugar even with a coke and stuff but I'm also starting to stress about random things. And I know I'm bored when I get home so it's not the greatest thing to look forward to.
Hopefully some plans will come through tonight and that will be different and fun. It's nice to visit with friends you don't get to see often.

I'm feeling a taco night? or am I feeling pasta?!

Pasta is easier :)

The newest arrival in the terms of Blog Posts.

As time has gone by and my life starts to settle back into a rhythm I find it time to start thinking again. Maybe complaining but always learning. If I had a more hectic schedule and a less determined will to get myself in my 'right' place then this blog may not be. I am not saying this particular post, but from here on out this blog will be a project of mine. It should help me figure things out, or at least help me feel as though I am really trying to figure things out.

As I went to bed last night I was very content, even with the day's uneventful happenings. I have only one worry and of course it involves being alone for the rest of my days. I do believe I will find someone, or those someones to take up the time until death comes knocking on my door and I understand that I am too young and unstable to really be making such a morbid statement, but alas this is how I feel once again.

Last night was interesting. Not in the, "Whoa, my neighbor totally threw up over the balcony onto a little girl which started a fight between apartment dwellers." No of course nothing of that caliber ever happens around thy dwellings. I just mean it just brought back a series of thoughts that will always be a part of my life. Unfortunately they do not make life easier, as all interesting thoughts, but it just brings out more curiosity for a dumbass cat to try to figure out.
More questions that just don't have answers. The questions that bring up stability with one's own self. I make this sound so dramatic when really it is not.

What happened was a series of requests to ultimately define another person. Not by words, but by actions. This is something I am not interested in and I am tired of. When I ask to hang out with someone, it is truly because I want to spend time with that person. I do not want to jump on them and have crazy animal sex. I do not want to take advantage of their personality and cause them drama. I actually want to just be around them, soak in them, see what they say and react accordingly. Online, reactions are thought about too much before delivered. In reality that does not happen. I like to watch people think. Oddly enough, except for very few exceptions, I find those who I want to be around are men... well boys attempting to be men and delivering a poor performance. Men intrigue me, not in the sexual way which is always obvious between heterosexual beings, but in general. I deal better with guys. Guys and I don't need to continue to talk to be around one another... though you all might think that is craziness coming from Jen Engle and my insanity with talking all the time, but after I delve a little into a guy I am finally comfortable to not talk and be. This I was recently informed is "couply". So, if I want to be comfortable with my friends to the point of couply, I dont care as long as they don't care. I just think I am always on a little strong and men think I am always expecting something insanely serious out of such a 'couply' relationship. Alas, the word relationship.

When I want, which is always, to be around men, I am not seeking spending the rest of my days, I am too afraid of the consequences anymore. On a regular basis I freak Jesse (my favorite best guy friend... Brady, Blake, and the rest of you... there are reasons for the favorite, and as you all are close to me should know the reasons already). I freak him out regularly, almost as a game for myself, but also as a reminder that life sucks. I do not think he knows this and I know his girlfriend doesn't, but reminding myself of unfairness keeps me more modest and less aggressive than I would be capable.

On a side note about my guy friends. I have asked several to teach me to play the guitar. It hasn't happened. I have also asked a few to teach me computer programs, this has not happened. For those of you who take the time to read this and actually realize it's you I am speaking of here, I HONESTLY and do really want to learn these things. It should be a compliment to you that I asked you to enlighten me on the subjects. Yes it can be a pain in the ass to teach someone something, but when it comes to music, it is in itself rewarding and you wouldn't have to be around for my own reward. Pointers and tips and a few cords could get me on my way, but of course none of you have any patience for me. When it comes to computer programs, because you were not a part of any of my GD courses you do not understand how I work with programs. My friend Lindsey and I, one of the few females I can be around while sober, would bounce code back and forth outloud trying to figure out where the glitches were in our own designs... it was awesome and really I'd like to learn the programs, borrow books, teach myself some things and then have you help me figure out the glitches by hand. As computer nerds you understand the excitement when you get it to work. It's almost pure happiness even for those few seconds... right before the rainbow swirly of death and an automatic shutdown. :) Rainbow swirlys of death... awe what a beautiful thing Mac has. :)

Okay, so I am quite happy with this blog. It has come out more elloquently then I before thought and I have not been upset about anything tremendous recently to make it sound as though the sky is falling down around me. Hopefully I got my point across to some of you, and I wish the others would just figure it out or ask.

I work better with guys as friends... and so what if I'm looking for a boyfriend, maybe you're not my boyfriend material and maybe I already know this and love you as a friend, as I have found with the best and closest of my guy friends. Though one of you I am still disappointed that nothing happened and cannot happen now because of your own situation, but I will live and hopefully live the rest of my days with a great friendship which as society keeps shoving in my face, is a better thing to have than a horrible marriage and false love.

Wow this turned negative all of a sudden... ignore it and please let me know what any of you are thinking...whether it be that I'm sad and lonely and need to find a better hobby... (guess what... I started drawing again today and I plan on starting a painting this afternoon or tomorrow :)... that's the hobby that will make some things a little easier in my life. Or whether it be "you go girl". I don't care I'd just like to know someone cared enough about me to read what I have to say.

PS I'd like it if someone would go to the zoo with me this next week or weekend. If I had money today I'd go, it's gorgeous out and animals need love and support too. :) Oh and I'd also be up for a movie or bowling and none of them have to be dates... i just want to be doing things.

Time for a nap and maybe some furniture rearrangement. :)

Party Night, Red Eyes

You ever get itchy dry red eyes? Yeah me neither. I just have bright red eyes today and I don't know what. It's happened twice this month. It's scary to wake up look in the mirror and have a zombie looking image of you looking back. WHoA! I know... zombies. I'm not really sure what the deal is.

I am going out tonight and it is going to be so much fun. I don't care if my eyes are red as long as my contacts don't hurt me. I am about to take a nap so I can have a good night. I was thinking of mohawking it up... but I'm not sure... I'm sort of pudgy and I don't want to draw attention to the overweight loud girl with awesome hair and a really awesome smile!.. I get enough attention just having boobs. ... I'll be deciding in a bit when Kristin calls and wakes me up.

Sleeeppppp.... mmmm goood!

Back from a long break!

Alrighty, it's time for this to get started up again. I haven't really missed blogging or anything, I just know it will be good for me so I can remember to check the other blog that all of us are going to be using together.

I started a new job this week. Craziness! I interviewed Monday evening and then got the call to come into work on Tuesday morning. I worked the rest of the week. The company is Hott Off The Press.

It's just me, the owner, and the printer. It seems like a pretty decent sized operation though. We are busy all the time. I hope to make some suggestions on how to get even more business but I don't want to push it.

It's been an interesting time lately with dealing with men. Now that class is done, I feel like it's fine to discuss relationships more than I did before. Sometimes it's good therapy to just type it out and see it, instead of thinking about it and not realizing how ridiculous I can be about some situations and dumb guys can be in others.

K, I'm distracted and hungry now.... time to go.

End of happy

K, I've been doing so well this semester with not letting shit get to me overall but I think it's over. I think I'm starting to push people away, becoming anti-social because I don't want to really say bye and because I have no money to have a good time. I don't get to see my puppy and I just feel like a bitch all the time. I don't feel like I'm making anyone happy and it's not making me happy either. I want some things to fall into place. God and everyone else knows I'm trying ridiculously hard to get everything where it needs to be. So why is it not working? Life is lame sometimes. I can't wait for it to be better. At least I know it will come and that I'm just an Impatient person.

More Puppy!

Yay for puppies! Especially mine. It's a boy! :)

Happy, Puppy, Life, Sleep, Loath

Wow, I cannot believe I haven't posted anything in practically a month. I'm on the computer non-stop except to sleep or drive... or drink. Obviously NONE of those go together.

I have had a CRAZY few weeks. I've sent out I think close to 50+ resumes, unfortunately almost half of those were cold applications (I have no idea if those companies are hiring). I have received 3 not interested replies and 3 interview requests. I had to turn one of those requests down because I found out how far away the city was from here and then another company was unaware that I would not be able to start right away, but did encourage me to re-apply if necessary when I have graduated. I have another interview on Friday this week. So, I'll be up late nights working on getting my portfolio together in order to impress. Hopefully someone interesting will want me to be a part of their company.

My sleep pattern has almost gone back to normal. I had a serious bout of insomnia for a while and then became a little reliant on the meds the doctor suggested and prescribed. I just can't take them anymore because of my stupid insurance company. Melatonin works wonders though and luckily is over the counter. Also, staying up insanely late nights for a week and having and really strange Easter helped too. I just woke up a lot last night but slept pretty well.

My parents are getting me a puppy for my graduation present. I am debating on names. My mom picked him out and up today. His birthday was January 29th and he is a papillon.

He is sooo sweet. This is him to the right. He had just got a bath when my mom got him home. She says he still smells like puppy. Hopefully I will have a chance to spend the weekend with him.
The Names I like and are high on the list today... because I found out about this today... are: Carter, Malcolm, A-bomb, Truman. Those are at least what I have right now. It's leaning more toward Malcolm and Truman. (HA Erin you will be proud I did not use an s on the end of toward because of how you loath it). My dad is threatening to name the dog Drake, Cookie, Baby Boy etc... names I will obviously not be very excited about. Well I think I'm done for the night.

Oh... I was a bitch today. Someone was annoying everyone and playing stupid music from their computer and talking on her phone really loudly and interrupting other peoples' conversations... so I asked a few people if they wanted to listen to a song. They of course did, and I plugged the speakers into the computer and played a really obnoxious song over this other person's music. Loath is the word of the day. I also stayed after class to make copies of images... the copy machine crapped out continuously on me for about 5 copies... guess who the image was of at that time.... Hillary Clinton. That cunt.

I'm having a day after drinking sort of day. You know when the alcohol has left but also takes part of your brain cells and most common sense factors. Makes you sad after the fact. Anyway I'm tired, I feel like cuddling and having someone wipe my tears away but I don't have any good reasons to cry or anyone to wipe my tears away so I will refrain.

Fiction

This is for Kristin.

Late in the evenings Sybil would let her dog play in the yard and listen to the neighbor's tv from her porch. The neighbors were in their seventies and had hearing problems, so Bill O'Riley would boom through the front of the house and into the quiet of the neighborhood every night at the same time. Sybil chuckled to herself about this on many occasion. She figured, 'if your audience can't hear you rant, what is the point?!' She never told them though. Instead, Sybil sat.
Some nights she would drink tea or lemonade; some nights she'd spike her drink to make the loneliness more bearable. She didn't mind being alone most of the time, but those times the moon was full and the breeze just right she wanted someone to wrap their arms around her. Buddy, her dog, was pretty damn good at snuggling, but not when on the porch. Buddy liked to roam the neighborhood and be a nussance to the cats and Mrs. Winslow. Buddy was some sort of terrier mix. Sybil wasn't sure anymore what all he had in him, but she didn't really care. He was her best friend and she his. She had had him for 5 years; through a divorce and her mother's death. Two of the hardest things a woman could go through. With all the stress, she hadn't had time to start dating again and Buddy always had a kiss for her.
Sybil lived down the street from a bakery. Five houses down to be exact. She had one of those bungalows built in the 40s. It had a nice sized backyard and the houses had decent spaces between them, unlike newer subdivisions. Her neighbors to the left, or south, had 3 kids and 2 cats. Luckily for the cats, they were indoor cats. Buddy loved cat-tail. Tom and Tracy had moved in right before Jay left. Tracy had been pregnant with Missy at the time. Paula and Vinny had only been 3 and 1 at the time. Sybil remembered thinking, 'What a handful!' The kids were well behaved and she rarely saw tantrums.

Damn it

I love it when I thought I knew a word or used a word that doesn't f*ing exist. Visage is the correct word and I thought it was vistage. I don't even know what I thought it meant. "God, why am I so not eloquent and informed on words?" Whatever I think I'm going to live. I still use more words than 'normal' people. I think that's because I talk more than most people and more to myself than most people do. Is that necessarily bad? No I get more practice. :)

AH HA...

Alright Alright Alright. We are sitting here allowing gorgeous weather surge through my apartment with all windows open... even had the front door open for a while. .. So the fresh air must of helped. That along with brushing my teeth. It's amazing how such a simple activity can turn your day around.

I had a very long day yesterday which has allowed the stress to build up in my chemicalias partes de mi cabesa. I'm ready for a rant. I can rant all day I think. I'm not upset. I'm not let down. I'm not a lot of things but pissy just happened to wake up and burrow into my abdula oblemgada or whatever the fuck it is that makes you angry.

This is what today has brought. This is what writing... physically has placed on a page that could get put into the senior show. We'll figure it out... we, me myself and i. All three personalities that live within.

"There are certain things that can make a person happier than usual. To "normal" people that might be a sunny day or a brand new car; to those of us who have several screws loose, it can be squishing a bug, cutting off someone in an expensive car, or buying things that make only us laugh. What does that mean for you? 'YOU' the normal. The ones that buerocrats care about and socialism wanted to save. It means you're stuck. You're stuck within the loose screws. It means you have to deal with us. You can't put us in looney bins anymore... not without a lot of paperwork... who really wants to do such annoying paperwork? Not the normal. You have the authority like all others to do absolutely NOTHING.

You might have no authority to do anything but the loose screw folks have the authority to be the crazies. Being crazy and humorous has it's superb advantages. I find things of no value valuable and things of no interest interesting. I find humor in all things, even death. Being crazy does have downfalls... paranoia.. :) I'm not a paranoid individual like a schizo but I do worry... worry worry worry worry worry about EVERYTHING.

I sit at home and worry about you! You! I worry about your life. I don't know you, but I worry for you. I worry that you don't know what humankind is capable of and that you will allow more suprifulous things to happen. I worry that you don't care and never will. I worry that this is the end of important life. Computers are important and will soon run lives. Not like the "Matrix" but robotics is growing and science does advance itself very quickly, even if THEY don't tell us. :) "

I am too humored with myself to continue. Those of you who actually know me should find this funny. That I'm ranting about things that are worth ranting about when "I'm the crazy one". Don't worry those of you who don't know me. I'm not crazy, I just hate people yet worry about them all day long! I should be a dictator. I wouldn't have any good followers but I'd sure have a lot of fun! How is it possible that the most educated people in a country can't figure things out? Political correctness should be done away with. You can't sue the government so why does it matter when dealing with foreign affairs what the MF'ers say? Nevermind...

I'm going to go watch Dr Strangelove or some mundane movie with a lot of explosions. Maybe a nice romantic comedy to cheer my spirits . ... I wish I knew why I was in such a morbid mood!

Random Extra Post

If you had 10,000 matches what would be your favorite reason to burn them? How many matches are in a matchbook? How much money would we save if we just used matchbooks and not lighters for things? Did you know you can run a car on used cooking oil?! Yeah I saw it on Mythbusters! If I stay connected long enough to the internet tonight I might get angry enough at stupid people. It's starting... just not enough to produce any good art. Think I'll just read and wonder about things and why. I'm starting to answer my own questions by research. It's making me really happy!

Question?

This might be so lame that I want to kick myself in the face but when I'm happy and sleeping... those don't have to go together. Sleeping makes me happy but I don't need to sleep in order to have happiness... nevermind. I have no motivation when I have all this sleep and all this happiness and all this time to waste when I should be: making 2 more posters and fixing #1, finding a good print place to print them, finishing my resume, writing my artist statement, keeping up on my laundry (tho this was done today!), and trying to save money. AHHH!

I halfway half-assed worked on my resume today. I got the paper ready for poster #2 but don't feel like bitching about anything in order to write something nasty. I didn't get annoyed by my least favorite people... what the hell is God playing with me on the other side of the fence now? He's like yo-yoing my life. Yoing. Zoink! Plop! Crack! Wack! POW! ZAP!... this is fun ..



Who votes blond and who votes brunette?

Dates with girls

Nothing goes my way!

Jamie was on a rebound I found out tonight.
Adam fell off the face of the earth for the evening.
Marcus didn't call me back.
I still haven't heard from Ryan.

Whatever........................................................................ I really want to go on a fricken date to go see the movie Zodiac on friday but it's not looking hopeful that that is going to happen. Dates with girls are not on my mind! GRRR.

Bouncing Ball Follow Along

for now everything I am thinking is in sing-song so sometimes you should read what I write in sing-song. Nooooo no no not like the bouncing ball that you follow to learn the words. Just make up your own tune and read my words aloud. We'll try it sometime in class.

Vanity has gotten to my today. I'm vain. The end, it got to me and I'm done with it.
I sort of don't know what to write about because the book I'm reading is in a lull... beginning of the happenings of the Cold War... and I had to stop reading because I was getting drowsy enough to not remember the previous line. Bad I know... Of course I can always type.

Remind to self: SELF work on Resume tomorrow! Make new box tomorrow and get out of the house at least once before we all go out at night.

Why does no one read these? It makes me sad

Cleverness

I am so clever!

"If the weather is as bad there, as it is here, they should put everyone's life on hold,... no, pause, because hold is too much like lay-away." ~While Talking to Frank (YES I have a friend who is not imaginary, named Frank!) ...(I don't think he's imaginary)

Sunday Snow

Today I'm going insane. I can't sit inside anymore. I have things to do and didn't get my car un-stuck until like 40 mins ago. I also didn't try all day cuz I didn't think they had plowed. I don't think they did until like 5 or 6 anyway.

And if something is "New & Improved" ... how is that possible? If it's new, it wouldn't be improved unless it was newly improved... right? Or am I missing something on this one?

Today would have been a perfect day for a date to have a guy take me to go make a snowman and come back and warm up. That would be so sweet. Why can't I find guys who think like that? Oh wait... cuz they scare me off! AHH! Okay... I'm getting cranky. Burn-age keeps on happening to me.

Time to go soak and sulk and hope for interesting conversation before I fall asleep. Goodnight all. Hope you're all safely at your homes and warm... and with electricity!

Looks like Tuesday night will be the night. Maybe I WILL have a date for that night.. jk, I don't have the guts to be mean like that or to want it bad enough. I like dorkface too much for my own good.

Fisken & Bodos

Wow ... Publication Design girls... my head will not stop swelling. I feel like I had been head-banging and doing weird push-ups all night. Of course we all know I just kept doing out GD Salute and laughing my ass off. Way to have a great time. Thanks Thomas for giving us all the chance to bond with booze and um... creepers at the bars. Yeah!

This is for Withers: Fisken & Bodos

February 20th 2007

Today was LONG...

It was like a mini-BFA dead day review... wtf?
I was punchy too because of it. I also was really embarrassed. We weren't prepared for the professors and I felt really bad. We all did get really good feedback but we are still having design issues. I just want that stuff to be done so we all can focus on our own stuff.

I could really use a good massage and kind complimentary girly words. ::sigh::

Time to go take notes on javascript... yay! Another critique in the morning and 2 websites to crank out before 1. Sooo fucking excited I don't even know what to do with myself.

Pretend vs Vaca and Quote of my life

You know what I just realized?! This:

We go on vacations to pretend we're someone else for a while. Not really to rest or to get a new perspective on things. You might get a new perspective on your bank account and credit cards and what your husband or wife looks like in their swim wear but vacations are just the grownup trying to be the kid again with no restrictions except maybe for those laws we don't want to break or the deadline we have to return to in 4 days.

Let's all go pretend and not call it vacation. We know how we all talk bout those bitches who don't work and pretend they are made of money when they go out.... they are on vacation... DUH!


Yawn... dunno why I'm blogging this early in the morning. Here's my favorite quote.

"You are here to enable the world to live for freely with a greater vision and a finer spirit. You are here to enrich the world."~Woodrow Wilson

Don't Read this is mean.

Whats the point of a meeting and putting your input when no one is listening when you speak? Fuck people who can't focus on important things. Fuck people who find mundane fun and social nothingness important. Let's fill out surveys and make our websites glittery. Let's join clubs that don't really matter. Let's tell people God isn't going to care about them. Let's all sit around a fire and believe whatever we don't see but only what we hear and never research it when we go home. Let's all be bigots and braggarts. Fuck people. I'm not even depressed. What has my generation proved to the world? NOTHING. We're already past our prime in intelligence. We're the internet porn generation with dumbasses elected into our government and stupid shits running our corporations.

This will be dually posted on my other blog. I could rant for hours and it would help if friends would call back or I could depend on someone... even family is not there today. I having bigger issues on my mind than what you did today. YEAH NASCAR... yeah CSI yeah I had a meeting... people are dying. I give up. I'm not even an activist.

I wouldn't have needed to write hateful shit if even 1/6th of my relationships had gone the way I wanted today. Maybe CONTACT with some of those relationships would have helped! GRRRRrrrrrr....

Why can't we ever take our own advice?

Good English Syllables... What?!

Way to go Drake Men's Basketball! You guys did an awesome job! Yeah I went to the game... what of it?

Now I'm bathing in my sorrow and country music... once again i'm ready for summertime and good times. Rednecks... your season starts tomorrow with the Daytona 500... I'm ready.. are you?


Favorite Quote of the night: Me (of course) "I hope you got hurt, you should NOT reproduce! You are ugly!" obviously to the other team... Goddamn #24 was an ugly dude... so was ... that white guy that looked like the unibomber... SWEETNESS!

Kristin and I did pretend to be Katharine Hephern tonight... and... Nazi supporters...well not really we just posed like stupid people... only means we're stupid... at least we don't believe in that white supremecy shit... uh slavery's over... get over the fact you made people suffer and enjoyed it while making money... learn to make money like a real white person... wellfare! :) j/k... wow alcohol makes me want to hurt stupid people bad!

Drunk...with pizza and sweats.. who can complain? maybe... uh thats right... NO ONE!

Friday Blues

When I need something I can't get a hold of anyone. I don't get it. All day long I've tried to get a hold of people, now I'm grumpy that I didn't get my stuff done because other people couldn't get back in touch with me to answer my questions.

Also, why do I always have to ask people to do shit? I mean I did get invited to go drink... with some random dude, but who wants to do that on a cold night when it's not really a date? Yeah no one. If the guy is too cheap to ask me out, he's only worth a crappy friend until he proves otherwise. I don't hang out with crappy friends. I expect more out of people.

Who I have had a hard time getting a hold of: Adam, Drew, Ryan, MinAe, and I haven't heard from Kristin but I did email her or attempted to like 8 times today. My .mac account is being a bitch.

The baby next door is crying a lot today... maybe because she's got a lack of sugar because her parents gave her clear kool-aid on accident the other day?! Stupid... And the guys on the other side are being sorta noisy. I already want to go to bed. My eyes hurt, I am cranky and I don't want to cook. I got a lot of shit done today but not everything I needed to. Grrr. Eventhough this was a four-day weekend because I count on other people sometimes, I've fucked myself over and am behind. Whatever, I'll get it all done. I just wish some things would turn around so my entire weekend doesn't seem as dull as 2007 so far in general.

OH and it's fucking snowing again.... it was a surprise, I forgot.

Blah

Ohh wow, talked to Jesse today... felt like an idiot. I have no common sense this week. Spencer and Jesse fooled me and Kristin. We're such dorks. I have too many electronics too. I have 3 different types of printers, a phone, a camera, a dvd, radio, tv, vcr, george forman grill, mp3 player... etc ... this is not an open invite for someone to come steal shit from me. I need almost all this stuff. I probably could live without part of it. One of the printers doesn't work and I can't format music playlists on my mp3 player anymore and my tv is old. Pretty much leave my shit alone!

Anger consumed much of my afternoon. 1. people in Iowa are lame 2. i count on the wrong people 3. i didn't get all my stuff done because i had to stop to eat (so I wouldn't pass out) and it's fucking -12 degrees outside... who wants to be out there? no one!

I was half way forced to spend money I don't techinically have today. No I didn't write hot checks, but I did charge more shit. I needed the stuff to get my paintings ready... and I did finally buy it. I also got some stuff to help me organize my teeney tiny apartment. I bought maybe 3 suprifulous things... how do u spell that word? someone let me know!

I wouldn't mind some flirting to get my mind off of homework but I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon. It's when I'm looking for it that I have the hardest time finding it.

Monday

I was just working on my design logo for the design for the web class. I'm thinking VintageCon.com just to be a fake company and it would stand for Vintage Conceptions, Inc. I haven't decided what I want them to be a company for but I like the name. Anyway, I was in Illustrator and had been working for maybe an hour... of course the stupid fucker quits unexpectidly and I hadn't saved the newest version which pisses me off. So I lost the cool base for the letter 't' in Vintage and the work I had done on an original thing. Grrr....


Today was a pretty good day in general. I think I need to go into the print studio and get some shit done sometime this week because I wasted another class period doing nothing. I am in a rut on concepts for the pin-up girl series and disappointed in my last embossment. Professor Chen keeps asking about sizes as well... I need to figure out those box sizes ASAP. I wish I wasn't such a lazy-ass.


I was really blunt today with people, I don't know what that was about. It was like I wasn't thinking about what I was saying until after I said it. Usually I'm a little more tactful.

I cranked out a design for the map project and I really like it. I sort of think I'm going to TRY to wake up a little earlier tomorrow and print it a little bigger and add some more writing... Dunno tho. I like it smaller than average but bigger than small. :) Whatever that means.

My mommy and daddy sent me roses today... Orange ones. I was surprised because I had brought my own roses from our store yesterday... just four... figured I could deal with four... now I have another dozen... but also a bigger vase :).

Once again I wish I had a bigger place so I could have a desk and be more comfortable.

The Shins

Today has been the perfect day for The Shins. I feel like nothing makes sense in my mind in accordance with my project ideas and The Shins' lyrics make no sense... or at least I can't figure out some of them.

Kissing the Lipless is supposed to be about leopards or something?! lol what?

Stupid and hurt

I don't know how many more hints I could have given today to one of the people I wish would never talk to me again. She can't figure it out. I had my computer with me. I turned my music on so I wouldn't have to hear her talk, she got louder. She started humming and singing along, I turned it down so she'd feel awkward. When she asked questions I ignored them. When I asked other people questions she answered and I asked someone else again. I just want to tell her to fuck off. She doesn't listen to anyone... EVER! AHHHH!

I have to go home tomorrow. I'm not really looking forward to it. I was home last weekend. I had a dream last night that my mother and I got into another fight. That's what I look forward to, fights. They suck. I'll probably get into one with my dad too but who knows. I'm so pissed off at myself for things that happened earlier this month that I hardly want to function with normal people. I just want to get my problem fixed and then try to move on or see what happens but it's not working of course. It's making my heart hurt.

Oh Fuck Guys!

I am so sick of this shit.
I like you. I like you too. You're too needy. You're a jerk. You're so sweet. You do too much. You sleep a lot. You need to back off. I still like you. I need more space but I like you. I'm leaving you be so we can be friends. I'm not talking to you now. I'm mad at you. I'm sorry but I wasn't wrong. Me either. We're stubborn.

What the fuck? If I do A, you want me to do B, if I do B then it's time for C but u don't tell me so I do A again.... AHHH.

I decide I'm better than this shit. I do all this shit for everyone and because of my attitude about life and how 'cocky' I am people don't think I care. I CARE you sick sons of bitches. I can give and give and give but when someone gives they can only give so much and not receive jack shit in return.

In the last 6 months how many times has Jen gotten herself into a situation where she's been burned?
Let's see (and take into consideration not all relationships were at the same level) I'm the commone denomonator but guys still suck. And not all these guys are jerks at heart. Things just didn't work out for a couple and I really didn't get burned from them but I burnt my bridges on them so they count.
Jamie (got majorly burned)
Steve (vanished)
Mike (got burned)
Mike #2 (burnt my bridge)
Bryce (2nd time burnt my bridge)
Marcus (vanished)
Scott (vanished but got burned)
Adam (burned)
What the hell? The ones that take advantage of how nice I am make me mad. The ones that take advantage of other things don't respect me. The ones that do respect me make me lose interest. AHHH! Now since I'm not trying to get over someone per say but opening up options, I'm turning out to be the bad guy when we weren't/aren't even dating or officially anything.

I want:
To go on a date. (dates if applicable)
Snuggle watching tv.
go out with friends with and without the guy.
get drunk with and without.
get phone calls.
get silly sweet emails.
get texts (if they have that ability)
take naps.
get and give back massages.
watch girly movies and scary movies.
be able to count on him.
to be able to be one of the guys.
meet his friends.
have goodnight phone calls sometimes.
have sleepovers.
be ridiculous together.
to be shown off.

I need: (because I'm female)
compliments.
reassurance on different things.
arguments that end up well.
apologies that aren't crap.
to be able to talk about stupid shit and at least have the guy pretend to listen.
have the guy hang on my every word every once in a while.
to feel wanted and needed.
Chocolate and to cry sometimes for no reason.

I hate being the bad guy especially when I'm not in a relationship.
I need and want some flirting. I gotta know the guy is interested. I'm so tired now. I want to just storm out of here and start yelling too. No one would listen. I wouldnt even be able to talk to him. AHHH! Okay! Well I think I got what I needed out and any explanation I wanted to give.

Tuesday-ness

Today was fucking fantabulous! It was awesome! I was in a really good mood... ALL DAY! I laughed my ass off... I wonder how many calories that is.. lol. My face hurt and I have major headaches all day from laughing. Kristin and I got to go to lunch and I got some stuff done in between being an ass lol... what a great Tuesday! Time for bed and looking forward to another day of critiques... ahhh... i hate when things are due at the same time.... critique weeks suck, I can't focus!

Love to all, even the people I don't like that much, that's how good of a mood I've been in.

New Posed Question

Because I do not want to really look this up at this time, and I do not believe that I know the answer, what the hell is ear wax about?

I understand snot and I'm guessing ear wax is another way to keep the small aliens from being able to climb inside our brains but really... does it need to be so obnoxious? Tonight I have a real disgusted feeling towards ear wax! WTF?

Scared Shitless

OMG, I've been crying for a couple hours and hyperventilating. I scared myself enough that I can't go to sleep until I've worn myself out from crying and being an emotional mess. All day long with my parents, I watched "Ghost Hunters." Well, some of it got to me and I had to turn a light on and I can't bring myself to lie down and go to bed. I don't live in a haunted anything and have never had a problem in my apartment or any other place for that matter... except once, but I was so scared then I couldn't sleep. It was crazy. Anyway, I know I'm going to be fine because my neighbors would be able to hear my scream no problem :) but just freaking me out; a lot of freaking me out! I'm starting to get sleepy but who knows how long that will last if I'm freaking out when I wake up. I really wanted someone to stay with me here tonight but it hasn't seemed to work out in my favor. Nothing has lately. Everything is a fucking mess!

This is so stupid that I am scared of paranormal. I read about death and destruction and devastation everyday, yet spirits scare me not things like flesh melting and radiation altering everything for decades. WTF is my problem? Maybe I'm scared it's all going to catch up to me now. I know I thought about it on my drive home. Maybe I need to read the Bible and get religious on myself but I dont think it's going to be what the doctor ordered. I am such a mess! AHHH!! :(

Dilemma Solved to an Extent

Wow so I figured out my music dilemma from the other day! Modest Mouse-Dashboard, Snow Patrol- You're all that I've got and my new favorite is definitely Modest Mouse's new one. I'm sad the CD doesn't come out until mid to late March. That's It I'm dull tonight. Codes aren't working, the SuperBowl wasn't exciting for me though what I actually got to see of it was decent. I just don't know enough about football to care.

New Music

Drove to visit my folks today for some relaxation with the dog and just to get out of my apartment. On the way I listened to my fave radio station 96.5 The Buzz. They played a lot of music I hadn't heard and now I'm on the scavenger hunt trying to remember all the stuff I want. No they don't have a playlist. All their site does is tell you what is on right now and what was previously on not what was on earlier in the day. AHHH! This is what I can remember though that I liked that I hadn't heard:

The Cure- Killing an Arab
The Shins- Phantom Limb
The Raconteurs- Level
Snow Patrol
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Modest Mouse
Death Cab for Cutie

These bands/groups had new songs or stuff I hadn't heard plus there was one that was a redo of an old Jazz song that I can't remember but it was awesome. Grrr! So if anyone knows new songs or new releases from Snow Patrol, RHCP, Modest Mouse, or DCC let me know. Btw the new Beck is really good and I'm pretty much in love with Jack White and the Raconteurs!

Obviously today was fricken 1000 times better than yesterday. Yay for less drugs ;).

Not normal.

Thursday has been an interesting day. Not like, "Wow, I can't believed that stuff happened,"-interesting, but more like odd. One of those days that makes me really very angry at the world, but my world, not the world in general. After about 11 I was completely numb. I forgot to take my anxiety/depression meds this morning but took them when I got to class at 9. I took the prescribed dose, not the dose that my mind is used to. It totally hit me at once and hasn't really gone away. I'm completely over-medicated and can't snap out of it!
Last night I went to bed really early. The book I'm reading is sad and I got tired of reading about code. Again, I wish it was a little warmer and I could be outside. Anyway, I woke up at 4am, got online just to vent a little about something that bothered me yesterday, luckily Adam was online and helped with that. Then I went back to bed and had nightmares. Ones that make you sweat and your heart race. My chest still hurts and someone in my dream really hurt my feelings and I hurt theirs and I think the dream is what partly put me in this funk. In GD4, we did an exercise with collaging and working on eachothers stuff, almost all of the things I added was somehow morbid or related to what I am interested. I suppose the fact that it interests me is important and that things I like are very much related, but at 9am it can be kind of menacing and I hate that stupid people make retarded comments about the stuff I am intrigued by.
Anyway, the rest of the day was based on me feeling like bawling my eyes out without really being able to. I spoke to both my folks, today was my mom's birthday. I talked to Adam and I know for a fact I'm not upset with any of them. Adam wanted me to feel better and stop being sad and I didn't tell my folks, they have enough to worry about right now.
I had an independent study meeting and then went shopping for something to do and get my mind more activated than nuclear war and random shit that sucks. I also drove to Gray's Lake and watched the Moon Rise. The Sunset wasn't very pretty or unique so I watched the full moon instead.
The day is winding down and I'm feeling better. I ate some real food and had some cheesecake. Not necessarily in that order :). It made me feel a ton better and shopping and the lake has made me sleepy so sleep shouldn't be painful tonight like last night.

I do wish the Valentine's shit would stop. Though I half-way or more than half-way have someone. I could use a date and getting purdied up ;). I wanna feel like a woman instead of a friend but I'll take a friend . Well hopefully this is the only time I talk about relationships on a class assignment blog because I never intended to. I just am anti-Valentine's Day and probably always will be.

What was I thinking?

The cold weather is being a downer. My skin is sucking all the moister out of the air that doesn't really have any. My hands are finally cracking today and I put lotion on pretty often. I finally had to put lotion on my face today. The cold bite just is miserable on all levels. It snowed again today. It was actually a really pretty snow but it's so dry!

I'm kind of pissed off at myself. I forgot how to do something in our web design quiz today and it wasn't in my notes, then while I was reading for next week, I remembered that I failed to put alt text in for the images. I think I did most everything else right or close to right. Hopefully I'm not the worst in the class. I know I wasn't the last one finished. Guess I'll find out next week.

I treated myself to my favorite meal for lunch, just for the heck of it. I got a lot of stuff done in Print so that was good. I also got some stuff done once Web Design was over. I went to the laundromat and spent like $15: two bedspreads, body pillow, 4 small loads of regular clothes. The lady was like, wow you have a lot of laundry. The bedding was starting to smell musty. They smell so much better now. The room smells better because of it too :).

Well I should go work on some stuff. I shouldn't have gotten online, this is the first time today, but now I want to stay warm and snuggled in the blankets. It's only 7:30pm though. Grrr... Iowa and the cold... what was I thinking? Yet I really like it here! Just make the edge go away and I'm good! :)

Oh and I realized or noticed no one reads my blog or visits it so I should just start writing everything I want instead of partly censoring myself.

Vegabonds attacked me today in the alley. They said they wanted my wallet and to shave one of my eyebrows off. I don't recall the reason but it had to do with aliens. I this this crazy stuff is why I stay inside so much. No, I didn't really get attacked by vegabonds. I didn't even get attacked by any sales people in the mall today. Yeah I needed a day of purchasing and self-absorption. That is one interesting word, self-absorption. Anyway, my web design partner is probably annoyed.

I'm bored with this post, I have so many things going through my head and no ambition to do them. So many things I should do and already not caring. Shit* That reminded me of something I forgot to pick up. Well tomorrow will be interesting. I want to go home and hang out with my dad some and laugh with my mom!

I need a light table, a flat screen tv, and a nintendo wii.... no i dont need the wii cuz i wouldnt get anything accomplished except half the levels and then i'd cheat code everything. I also need to grow 5 more inches up and lose 10 pounds. I'd still be 'overweight'. isn't that pathetic that society brings everything down in a woman's head. whatever

Politics Can Kiss my Ass and we need more nuclear stuff! :)

My obsession is starting to make me mad again. I need some more nuclear stuff to be happening in the world because I'm having a lack of imagery in that area when I search. I need the imagery to be in newspapers or magazines because that is how I'm going to transfer them to another sheet of paper. According to Professor Chen, the more porous the paper that has been printed on, the better for transfer. The glossy stuff does other things.

My fingers are blackened from newspaper clippings. I almost want to get some of them wet and blowdry them to see if they will yellow for another effect. I need a table to work on that fits in my living room. Once again the size of my place and the thin-ness of the walls are irking.

According to the paper today... that is The Des Moines Register, Iowans are ready for a woman or African American president. Uh.. we might be ready but don't forget about the other 51 states that have to decide too. At least most of the US is in agreement that President Bush is a douche. I don't use that term often. I prefer to use Dumb-Fuck and Dumb-Ass on a regular basis and use douche for something I really despise. The other word I don't use is the 'c' word but there is one person I would be happy to use it for and that's Hillary Clinton, cunt. She visited Iowa this week or something. Who gives a Goddamn? I don't even think she's on speaking terms with God. I think she's made enough deals with the Devil to stab God in the back and maybe she'll sit next to Lucifer on his thrown and spawn when she goes to hell. Ok I might be in a cranky mood. I didn't get as much accomplished today as I had planned. People pissed me off, time slipped by, I froze my ass off, and got about half of my shit finished. Don't get me wrong I had plenty of "good" things happen and a few completely random things. Like when I was out of the house, I went to Walgreens to get the newspaper. While I was there I parked next to one of those median/gardeny things with the light poles. Anyway, because of the ice and packed snow, I was able to drive right up on the curb. So, when I came outside, I realized this and saw that my rear right tire was suspended. It was pretty cool. I almost took a picture with my phone. Of course I didn't It was too cold to stand out there in my gouchos.

I'm getting antsy to have my own place... not apartment. Duplex would be ok because I'd have some space and only one wall to share, but I'd really rather have a house. For a split second, I was thinking about moving back home after graduation. I just don't know, gotta see what offers I have and what sweetness I produce this semester. I never bought that lottery ticket. I hate going to the gas stations in this neighborhood. I get panhandled or stares or at least it feels that way.
I purchased Dr. Strangelove special Edition today online. I think that's all I have to say for now. I'm dull I know!

Wait... No. "Dr. Strangelove" has not replaced any of my other favorite movies. I just remembered one of them and I love it more. "Finding Neverland"

This is my movie list all are about even no particular order:
Amelie
Finding Neverland
Dr. Strangelove
Cinema Paridiso
On the Beach
Holiday Inn

"How I learned to stop worrying and fall in love with the Atomic Bomb"

Wow it's so cold here and I went outside with gouchos on today. I haven't really warmed up since then and I must have turned the heater off on accident in my bedroom and the matress pad was off. Crap I am soo cold! Everything is starting to warm up though. Oh and get this... I didn't have hot water for part of the day. Whatever!

Today I've done a lot of TV watching with Adam and some stuff for graphic design and some same stuff for print. Cutting up newspapers. In a big after I'm warm, I'm going to test the Oil of Wintergreen transfer thing on some paper I have here. It's so cold I really don't want to go out again unless I really have to!

Last night Kristin came over to have a girls night for a while. It was fun, layed back. We made steaks and broccoli. We also watch Dr. Strangelove That's the first time either of us had seen it. I'm totally buying the special edition. I LOVED it and it's my new favorite movie.

"Demetri, Yes I hear you, can you hear me? You can hear me fine? Yes I can hear you fine. Yes it is good that we are hearing eachother fine. Yes, I agree with you it's good to be fine!.."

Words

Ever just have words get stuck in your head?
I have had the word Valenobos stuck in my head for like three days. Dunno what it means or if it's a Spanish or something. It could be a name like Mr. Galyganopis but I don't remember. Maybe it's the name of one of those guys that shows up in my dreams sometimes. Who knows. I knew a kid name Nick Geonokis. He was one of the biggest jerks I ever met and that was elementary school. Not a good way to start life. I'm gonna go read more about code and Hiroshima. Maybe I'll figure out what Valenobos means and I'll let everyone know.

Friday

I did get out of the house today which is sort of surprising. I just wasn't out for very long. I gave a friend a ride downtown. The auto place around 15th and Locust doesn't have the old cars in the show room anymore, anyone know what that's about? The building the radio stations are in is really boring too and then their's the crazy wall with the graffiti mural across from it. I still have yet gone into the public library's new building but it looks awesome every time I go downtown.

I wrote web code for a few hours earlier today. Talk about feeling like a true nerd and starting to feel like a hermit. The only people I've been hanging out with or see are Kristin, Adam, Drew, and Eve. I need to go into the print lab sometime this weekend to work on stuff. I also need to make sure Adam helps me get my paintings from that studio. He said he'd help on Sunday if he could.

I need a bigger apartment and a desk and windows that look at something more interesting than parking lot and the side of a sorority. I pretty much hate my apartment except for the fact it's mine and I dont have to live with anyone. I need more room though. It takes no time to trash this place and fricken forever to pick it up because I have no where to put anything. I've filled up all the space above the cabinets. I need to win the lottery. That'd be nice even with the taxes I wouldn't care I'd just like to get stuff caught up on better. I mean I'm on time on everything as far as I know. I just have those medical bills from November and credit cards I need to pay off. If only $10K would drop out of the sky as a gift. That'd take care of everything I think. All credit cards and my personal loan for the computer and probably the medical bills. All that would help my parents too. They wouldnt have to worry about me and my credit score and if I was making any money or not. They'd just worry if I had food and if I was goin' to class and if I am going to find a job. I think I'm gonna go down to the gas station tomorrow and get a scratch ticket. Anyway wish me luck and I'll try to think of something interesting to write about later. Like a good story or something.

What did you do today?

What have you done today? I've gone to class. Taken a nap. Watched two episodes of some sort of military xfiles. One episode was about Roswell New Mexico and the UFO 'crash' of 1947. The other episode was on the JFK assassination. Both rather interesting. I know the conspiracy behind the JFK thing better than the Roswell thing. I did learn that the 509th Airborne division was part of the military that was stationed in Roswell at the time of the siting and crash. That makes a difference to me because the 509th is the division that were the actual bombers of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The book I've been reading is full of fascinating information and very much about the 509th out on Tinian Island in 44 and 45 when the tests were being performed and military base was being built out in the Pacific.

I also took like a crapload of pictures of my hands for a publication project and several pictures of the walls in my apartment. Unfortunately the walls here are very VERY textured and don't really represent the walls at the Drake University Anderson Gallery for which I wanted the photos to represent. Here is one of them: Kinda lame!.... K just kidding cuz the computer and internet aren't connecting for the upload. Oh well... but trust me it's textured and frustrating. Gotta go do some other stupid shit.

By the way, the movie "Pi" is not as good as I thought it was going to be and I got really bored half way through it!

Ibuprofen Information

This is a picture of my lone ibuprofen I have spoke of before. As far as I know he is still there awaiting pickup from me or anyone else who visits me. I doubt anyone would find him unless someone 'knew' to look. He is on the side of my bed no one cares to go on but me because well... it's 'my' side of the bed!
I'm still surprised he's there. Now he's like a secret stash and a little person in my mind and I would probably feel horrible if I 'took' him. I would maybe not feel horrible but I would feel some sort of loss to know he was not there.

Vivid thoughts

This is what I've been working on and I'll have a lot of editing and condensing to do but it's been fun. I switched my item to one of the post cards I found at the antique place. It's from Sunset Motel in Lakland Florida which is a suburb of Tampa I believe. This is what I have so far:

The identity of a man was uncovered in 1987 when a chain reaction was set forth by the simplest of acts. In 1969, a woman, Mary Thompson, and her family had just finished a 7 hour drie from Roswell, Georgia to the bright and sunny state of Florida. Mary, Vincent, her husband, Hank, her 14 yr old son, and Julie her 8 yr old daughter had decided around dinner that instead of driving for several more hours, the family would rest at the cozy Sunset Motel. Julie had found a flyer for the motel at the last pitstop and had insisted that they go 20 mles out of their way to stay.

Once at the Sunset Motel, Vincent checked the family in and Mary started helping the children organize their things in the car so they could help their father carry luggage into the motel room. Julie started immediately scrummaging through ther junk food wrappers and found her swimmiing goggles she had been wearing earlier during the ride. She had been pretending to be a mermaid and fighting off the treacherous Sea Weed Monster, also known as Hank.

Hank didn't realize he was a part of this 8 year old adventure until a piece of pre-chewed bubblegum got pushed up his right nostrel. Julie did this to defeat the Sea Weed monter by stopping his ability of shoot boogers full of sea weed out of his nose.

Julie then started didgging at her suitcase looking for her swimsuit. Mary started to scold her when she relized the pool at the Sunset Motel did look nice and Hank and Julie could go swim while Vincent and she unloaded the car and maybe got a few kisses and snuggles in without puking sounds and gagging sounds along with the words "ewe" screaming at them from behind. It had definately started being a difficult summer with both children in the annoying stages of their childhood with no place for Mary to really hide."

That's what I have so far. It's fun but getting really long I think. We'll see what I end up with for tomorrow. I'm excited anyway.

Still Frustrated.

I think I'm going to go create some random sentences with the stamp. Hopefully I have a new inked up ink pad. The creating new stories is crap. Everything that has to do with this is so sentimental and old lady like. Okay time to get my laundry... GRRRR!

Information on Superior

Okay, way stressed out. I'm looking forward to a smoothie. Does rum go with frozen fruit and yogurt? I doubt it mixes well with yogurt but I know for sure I want a smoothie and I think I'm going to need a little rum for a night cap. I need to stop drinking or I need to go drink more, lots more! Of course without drugs.

So I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to write about for Graphic Design IV. This stamp set is difficult. There are so many beginnings but so many of them are dumb. I looked up the wikipedia definition of Superior because that is the brandname on the box that the set came in. I love the texture of the box and how worn everything is. When I scanned the stuff into the computer little flakes went everywhere because it's so brittle. I have a mess to clean up.

From Wikipedia.org:

Superior may refer to
superior (hierarchy), in a hierarchical structure of any kind, a superior is above a subordinate and closer to the apex
superior is the generic term, and in some cases the formal title, for the head of a monastery or other local unit of a religious order or congregation, e.g. abbot and prior, while a general superior and a provincial superior, exercise a supervisory role in a religious order or congregation viz. a territorial part of it (called ecclesiastical province)
Standard Superior, a German automobile brand built in the 1920s that may have been a forerunner of the Volkswagen Beetle
Superior Coach Company, a former manufacturer of school buses and that currently builds hearses
Superior (band), a progressive metal band from Germany
a party enjoying military superiority, the dominance of one military over another in any given conflict: see air superiority and command of the sea
"Superior" is commonly used as an adjective: see All pages beginning with "superior"
Superior is also used anatomically, meaning above or in a higher position on the body (when the body is in it's anatomical position). The head is the most superior part of the body.

[edit] Geographical locations
Lake Superior, the largest of the North American Great Lakes
Superior is also the name of several places in the United States of America:
Superior, Arizona
Superior, Colorado
Superior, Iowa
Superior Township, Chippewa County, Michigan
Superior Township, Washtenaw County, Michigan
Superior, Montana
Superior, Nebraska
Superior, Wisconsin, city
Superior (town), Wisconsin
Superior (village), Wisconsin
Superior, Wyoming
Some inhabitants of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan have proposed seceding from Michigan to form a new U.S. state called Superior (proposed state).

An old woman sits on her daughter's porch swing as her granddaughter brings her a random box that brings back memories.

A 27 year old moves into a furnished apartment and finds this old set in the false bottom of a drawer in a desk.

A tobacco store owner finds this box in a dark corner of his basement along with old cigar boxes. He starts to ask his cousins and other family members who the name that is already created in the box. His cousin Mario remembers the woman who Alfred is looking for.

Pub Design Project Ideas

First off I started sketching about 10 minutes ago after practically having an emotional argument with myself about how unstable I am. I skipped the rest of the glass of wine I was having and started brainstorming. I wish there were like 30 hours in a day and I had a high metabolism because I have so much I want to do and no time to really give any of it the time it deserves or the time I want to give it... sometimes I gotta sleep and eat and veg out.

If a white wall isn't really 'true' white, what color is it? Does the name of the color really make a difference in how the viewer perceives it? Does it make a difference in day-to-day life...(why I didn't use the word daily dunno)? Is "eggshell" that much better than "cream" and how do the guys know the difference if they pick up the wrong brush and it's so close? Do our printers, LCD screens, computer screens, TVs etc play tricks on us and say colors are different 'codes' or whatever when really they are the same thing? What the hell is the purpose of naming colors when it's possible we're all conditioned to SEE the same when really we see different? eg you see orange as orange (neither of us is colorblind in this hypothetical)... Okay you see orange, you've been told it's orange since you cold tell the difference between colors. Light reflects yada yada yada. I've been told the same thing but in 'reality' my orange is really green. I've been told and you've been told it's orange, yours might be a purple color... none of us really KNOW. Science tells us because of how light fragments and reflects off of crystals and whatever that that is what we see in the color spectrum ... but isnt that a condition? And back to colorblindness, aren't we ALL colorblind?

Publication Design Master Blog

Publication Design Master Blog
is the reason this is even available for anyone to use. If you take offense to something I write you should tell me or suck it up.

At work on Thursday afternoon... ugh

I haven't come up with a new story for my rubber stamp ink set story. I lost interest. I started looking up images of nuclear explosions and video clips and such. It's so mezmorizing when I start doing it. The fact I'm getting any work done is a miracle too. I need to figure out how I want my images to work for my embossments for the independent study I'm doing with Professor Chen. I think I'm going to end up winging it on the explosions but I should really start looking up the patterns for the other series I'm going to be working on. I also need to go get that oil of wintergreen Professors Fender and Chen were discussing for transfering images. I'm so exhausted already. It's all good. I have a meeting at 8am then work at 3 tomorrow. AHHH. Ok better go...

Trial One for GD4 storyline

"Superior
87

Ink and Rubber Stamp Kit

Congratulations! Echo through the phone as Dedra answers. She is unsure what the hell has just happened but a salesman from Toronto has started jabbering on the other end of the line. She waits until she can get a breath in and tells the man no thank you and hangs up. Bernard the salesman in Houston tells his customers he’s calling from Toronto to sound more important and unique. It was never his wish to be a salesman for his cousin Dave."

Trial one sucks! Any suggestions you crazies?

Post 2 jan 17.07

Fuck people. People are inherently evil I think. Obviously I've decided this a long time ago because those of you who actually know me know how I truly feel on the subject.
I hate boys/men/guys. None of the ones I get interested in do anything to keep me interested. I think I'm too much for all of them anyway. Ideally I would be a submissive little beauty queen and be a cookie cutter of men's dreams but alas, my parents raised me with a mind of my own and will to find something more than a toy to live the rest of my life with.

Oh, the screaming just started. I've been home approximately 5 minutes and the neighbor's baby is screaming. I love it. Really!

Now I've been sitting here uncomfortably for more minutes trying to say something but everything I want to says is emotional enough to make me cry so I'm going to keep it to myself for now.

01.16.07

K so we all know how this is supposed to get done. I'll prolly end up with more than 3 posts a week not by want but more because I have a soul that likes to talk. Not so much a soul as a little person that lives somewhere in my head who weighs approximately 6lbs. I'm estimating he/she weighs 6 lbs cuz the average human head is 8 and i think the skull would weigh around 2. 2lbs is more than you think. Ever pick up a pound o chocolate at the grocery store and noticed it's volume. It always surprises me! I find a lot of things surprising though. That is why little things amuse me and little things should amuse all. It sure as hell makes life more interesting.

Now take for example the ibuprofen that is on the floor next to my bed. It is a single tablet. I've seen it there several time... I'm going to guess 11, I could be way off. Out of that many times, I have only felt the need to move it, ie throw it away or take it, about 2 of those times. Yet for some strange reason, this lone ibuprofen lays on the floor next to the power surger and dust mites. It's not that I haven't had sore muscles or a headache. I take ibuprofen almost every day. I remember when 'he' fell out of my hand. It was after a bingeful night of rum and coke and almost puking but keeping composure. That's been 3 weeks I bet. A lot of headaches and other aches have happened since then... why does he not get wanted by me? Do I find him dirty? Not really, I'm the one that lives here and cleans here etc. I would find myself dirty if I found him so. I rather like to think myself very cluttered and slow in the cleaning process. Personal hygiene is always above those standards when vain.

By the way, if you have actually read this far into my new blog, Thanks. I find them therapeutic because no one really wants to HEAR someone ramble nor hear themself. Well... some people DO like to hear themselves talk! Why is themself not a word? WTF? And I think I'm going to write to Webster's Dictionary and tell them to add the word "orchuated". It's about time that is an official word. And I think allergetic should be a word too. It sounds like a real word and reminds me of pollen and bees and the movie "My Girl". Dunno bees go with that movie.

Okay I need to go get the electric blanket and thaw out while appropriately watching "ICE AGE: THE MELTDOWN" cute so far but I did lose interest already and well that's sad, it's a cartoon. The first one was already much better. Ciao.